In today’s edition of “the patriarchy hurts us all,” let’s look at how one-sided wedding jewelry has been since the middle ages. Did you know men didn’t even regularly wear wedding bands until the 20th century? But now in century 21, thanks to the rising spread of equality and the slowly-being-chipped-away wall of traditional gender roles, we’ve arrived at a really simple, really basic concept about wedding and engagement rings: if you want to wear them, you should, and if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t. Moment of silence for how long it took us to reach this conclusion.
One of the last bastions of “this is only for ladies” in weddingland is engagement rings, and it’s high time we stopped indulging that fantasy. In an effort to be part of the solution and not the problem, let’s look at engagement rings for men.
Do men wear engagement rings?
According to a 2014 survey by The Knot, about 5% of men wear engagement rings. (Please note this article calls them “man-gagement” rings, because heaven forbid we break down a small gender barrier without creating another, but that’s a feminist lecture for another day.) I can’t find a more recent survey, but given the legalization of same-sex marriage across the country and a push toward creating more equal, loving wedding ceremonies overall, I would be surprised if that number hasn’t grown.
But if you’re reading this and the real thing you’re wondering is “Can I wear an engagement ring? Can my partner?” then the answer is yes.
Why don’t more men wear rings?
As we mentioned in an article we wrote about wedding bands vs engagement rings, De Beers is the big reason we have diamond engagement rings at all. They ran a very convincing ad campaign in the late 1930s. These were heteronormative years where men were expected to be the active partner (buy the diamond! Propose!) and women were expected to be the passive party (wait for a diamond! Hope he proposes!). Women wear engagement rings because women have historically been the people being proposed to. That’s the big secret. And I bet you already knew it.
Isn’t this a double standard, you might be wondering? Yes, I would say. Yes, it is.
What kind of engagement rings do men wear?
Because this is still relatively new territory, let’s break down some options here. But the bottom line is you can wear whatever kind of ring you want. Glide that puppy down your left ring finger and bam! Engaged.
Men’s engagement rings with stones.
This beauty from Gemvara showcases a popular style for men looking for a ring with a stone. Many men’s engagement rings have stones set into the band instead of above it. However, the styles of inset stones are many and varied. You can have one in the center, ten all the way around, a cluster of six or seven — there are more possibilities than you can probably imagine.
Men’s engagement rings without stones.
If you’re not into the look of stones, you can get a plain band. Note this looks similar to a traditional wedding band, so explore some possibilities. You can wear your engagement ring as a wedding ring if you love it, or even have it engraved before the wedding day to mark the change. You can also consider getting an engagement ring and a wedding band that interlock with each other.
Rose gold, copper and even wood make for stunning men’s engagement rings.
Get creative! You’re not limited to silver and gold. “Engagement ring” shouldn’t be a term that means “only diamonds and only for women.” There’s a whole wide world of materials and stones to craft a ring to mark this huge life transition. If it’s an occasion you want to mark with a physical symbol like a ring, then by all means, do it.
And maybe send us a picture (like one of our faves, Skylar Astin).
Sara Kendall lives in Redwood City with her husband and dog. Her main hobbies are coffee, books, and musicals.