Whew, the wedding is over! Now it’s time to send out those thank you cards. Not sure what to say or when you’re supposed to send them by? Read on for some thank you card basics.
Timing
Etiquette suggests that you should send out your thank you cards within three months after your wedding. I know, I know, I’ve heard the one year rule too, but I got this straight from Emily Post’s great great granddaughter. Which is about as close to the ghost of Emily Post as we’re going to get.
Do I have to get special cards?
As you can tell, we had a lot of fun creating our photo thank you cards!
Ideally, yes. Luckily you have a few options!
Ordering matching thank you cards when you order your invitations is a great way to make sure you’re prepared post-wedding.
Alternatively, I’m a fan of photo thank you cards — it’s a nice way to remind people of what a fun time they had at your wedding.
Finally, monogrammed cards are a more traditional option, just make sure you get your monogram with your new last name (if you changed it!).
Regardless of what you decide, the idea is for the cards to have a personal touch, so your guests feel as special as you felt when they came to your wedding.
Who gets a note?
Now that you have the thank you cards in hand, you’re ready to make a list (so you can check it off, obviously). But who should get a thank you note?
The short version: anyone who gave you a gift, attended your wedding, or helped with your wedding in any way.
The longer version:
Anyone who attended your wedding as a guest.
Anyone who gave you a gift, including money and donations on your behalf. Don’t forget about gifts from an engagement party, bridal shower, or bachelor/bachelorette party.
Anyone who hosted a party for you (engagement, bridal, bachelor/bachelorette).
Anyone who helped with preparations before, during, or after your wedding. Don’t forget your wedding party, greeters, parents of your flower girls and ring bearers, anyone who helped prep the venue, that friend who picked up the flowers, that other friend who helped prep centerpieces… you get the idea, everyone!
Optional, but I think it’s nice: wedding vendors.
There’s no such thing as being too polite, so when in doubt, write a note!
Suggested templates for thanking folks
If they attended your wedding and gave you a gift:
Dear [Name(s)],
Thank you so much for the [gift/money/donation] — we’ve already [share how you’ve specifically used the gift or the money].
If you haven’t used it yet: — we look forward to [how/when you’ll use it or what you’re saving up for].
If they donated on your behalf: — it’s such a thoughtful gift and to such a worthy cause. We’re honored to be associated with [name of organization].
It was wonderful to see you at the wedding; it meant so much to share our special day with you. We’d love to get together soon; hopefully we’ll see you [mention a specific time/event].
If they came from far away you can also note that and how much you appreciate the effort they made.
Thank you again for your presence and your present.
With love,
[Your Names]
If they attended your wedding:
Since we had a destination wedding in Hawaii, we made it very clear that presents were not expected. Many of our guests had a long journey to get there (New Zealand and Ottawa were the two farthest!), so we wanted to make sure to thank them for making the effort and taking the time to celebrate with us.
Dear [Name(s)],
It was so wonderful to see you at the wedding; it meant so much to share our wedding day with you. We’d love to get together soon; hopefully we’ll see you [mention a specific time/event].
If they came from far away, or you had a destination wedding, you can also note how much you appreciate the effort they made.
Thank you again for your presence on our special day.
With love,
[Your Names]
If they didn’t attend your wedding and gave you gift:
For those classy folks who both sent their regrets and also sent a gift, a thank you card is definitely in order.
Dear [Name(s)],
Thank you so much for the [gift/money/donation] — we’ve already [share how you’ve specifically used the gift or the money].
If you haven’t used it yet: — we look forward to [how/when you’ll use it or what you’re saving up for].
If they donated on your behalf: — it’s such a thoughtful gift and to such a worthy cause. We’re honored to be associated with [name of organization].
We’d love to get together soon, hopefully we’ll see you [mention a specific time/event].
Try to make this reference as realistic as possible.
Thank you again for your generous present.
With love,
[Your Names]
For all your wedding helpers:
Anyone who helped before, during, or after the big day should get an extra note in their thank you card — it’s a thoughtful touch that lets them know how much you appreciate them.
Thank you for all that you did [before/during/after, in your own words] the wedding to make everything go so smoothly. [Specific reference as to what they did goes here]. We couldn't have done it without you.
Thank you for everything!
Bonus points for your wedding vendors:
Totally optional, but if you’re getting into the thank you note spirit and feel like sending out a few more, it means a lot to vendors to receive a note. Short, sweet, and specific is perfect for these folks.
Dear [Name(s)],
Thank you so much for your help making our wedding day special. It was a breeze working with you and the [thing they provided, e.g. flowers] came out beautifully. I especially loved the [something specific, e.g. whimsical centerpieces] — I feel like you read my mind and then made them better than I could have imagined!
Thank you again,
[Your Names]
Final thoughts
Don’t try to write all your thank you notes in one day — spread it out over a few evenings or weekends.
Remember, it’s not all on you to write these. Now that you’re married it’s half your partner’s responsibility too! So make it fun by breaking out some wine and writing the notes together. It’s also a wonderful way to relive your wedding day together. As you go down the list, see if you can remember a specific moment from the big day with that particular person or couple.
And, if you need some incentive, before you start writing, decide on a reward for yourselves once you’ve checked off the last name on your list.
Happy writing!