Writing your own wedding vows is a great way to make your day special and add a personal touch to the ceremony. In this guide, Vow Muse provides step-by-step instructions and inspiring examples of heartfelt wedding vows that you can use in your own ceremony!
Step 1: Schedule some “me” time.
Getting started is the hardest part. Block some personal time on your calendar so you can sit down with your writing utensil of choice. We recommend turning off the internet (you can do it!) so you’re not distracted and opening a blank text document.
Or grab a pen and paper if you’re old school.
Click on the image to read snippets of Julia & Jeremy’s example vows. These two wanted to write and share their own personal vows but didn’t want to read them out loud. So on the big day they had their officiant read their vows for them.
Step 2: Brainstorm (aka warm up those writing muscles).
With the questions below, we’re going to walk you through brainstorming ideas and gathering inspiration. As you’re making you notes consider some of the meaningful moments in your relationship, like when you first met or moments of growth as a couple. If you like, you can even collect phrases and ideas from movies, poems, songs, and stories that speak to your relationship and might can help you craft the perfect words. The point here is to get a good collection of muses that will help you craft something special!
First let’s get warmed up… For ten minutes, write anything that comes to mind when you think about your leading lady or humble hunk. This is a judgment-free zone (sexy thoughts are OK, but try not to linger on them), and be sure to address what you want to vow to your partner. Remember this writing doesn’t have to sound nice. You’re just penning ideas.
Set a timer and start writing!
Feeling stuck? Totally normal. Answer one or more of these questions as you write:
When did you fall in love with your partner or want to be with them forever?
What is something your partner does that makes you smile?
What do you admire about your fiancé(e)?
What are your favorite qualities that they possess?
Why are you lucky to be marrying them?
How have you changed since you met them?
What do you want to promise to them?
Or complete one or both of these tasks:
Describe some of your favorite memories of your partner.
Jot down a few inside jokes you two have.
After ten minutes of writing (if not more), save your document, stand up, and take a short break. Do anything but write.
We’ll see you in 5 minutes.
Click on the image to read an excerpt of Todd’s vows.
Step 3: Organization is more than half the battle.
Before you start the actual writing, it’s important to outline what you want your vows to include. Outlining can help keep your words focused and organized—it will also help make sure that you don't forget any important details or sentimental moments you wanted to include!
A standard vows outline looks like this:
I. Saying “hello” and complimenting your partner
II. Things that are awesome about them
III. Things about you that relate to them (e.g. how they make you a better person)
IV. Promises you want to make to them
V. Final thought or statement of love
(Feel free to copy that into your document. We’ll wait.)
You’ve now got ideas, and you’ve got an organized way with which to present those ideas. Fab! Time to smoosh them together.
Revisit your brainstorm session. Some of the thoughts you wrote down should fit into items I through V of the outline. Copy and paste those thoughts under where you think they might go. You’ll probably have a bullet pointed list that looks something (or maybe nothing) like this:
I. Saying “hello” and complimenting your partner
Annabelle has always smelled like home to me.
Looks gorgeous no matter what.
II. Things that are awesome about them
She is amazing at communicating with all types of living creatures: kids, adults, seniors, plants, horses. Her ability to empathize with and understand others is incredible.
I love that she says “yes!” to life. Will do a backpacking trip, bingo, and ballet in the same day.
III. Things about you that relate to them
I’m so thankful she is so good at taking care of me.
She’s made me a more generous person.
IV. Promises you want to make to them
To take care of her because she’s good at taking care of me.
To grow as people together.
V. Final thought/final statement of love
I knew I wanted to be with her forever when we built a blanket fort in her living room before we moved in together.
Step 4: The actual act of writing.
You’ll now want to start writing sentences around your initial, outlined thoughts. Don’t be afraid to return to your brainstorming list for more ideas, and don’t be afraid to repeat Step 2 if you’re coming up short.
Based on our brainstorming and outline, here’s how the opening might start to look:
Annabelle, I know you prefer pajamas to ball gowns and you are beautiful in both. But today you look awe-inspiringly stunning.
Since I met you, I’ve been comforted by your presence—you just remind me of home. And I know I’m not alone: your friends seek you out for advice, our houseplants seem to blossom just for you, and I’ve never seen a dog not wag his tail at you when you walk by. I’m so honored to have such a good force of life as my partner.
→ Pro tip: As you write, don’t judge yourself or restrict yourself. Just try to craft sentences. We don’t recommend erasing anything. If you write something you don’t like much, hit return and keep writing.
After an hour—at most—stand up and walk away. You’ve just earned yourself 24 hours of time off.
Click on the image to take a leap of faith with Allison and read an excerpt from her vows.
Step 5: Editing. Take a second look.
Schedule some more “me” time to sit down and re-read everything you’ve written (and keep your paws off the keyboard!). You’ll likely realize you forgot a few things you want to add. Or maybe you’ve decided to leave certain parts out.
After you’ve read through once, start making alterations. Use the “Save As” feature—you never know when your original thoughts might be useful. We always save each version of a piece using this nomenclature: Jane Vows – v1; Jane Vows – v2; etc.
Or if you’re using Google Docs it’ll do the version saving for you!
Repeat this step as needed.
Step 6: Practice, practice, practice.
Once you’ve finished outlining and writing your wedding vows—and we can’t stress this enough—you must read them out loud before the big day.
Read them line-by-line, slow your pace as needed, to make sure you feel comfortable with the flow. As you read, you will quickly discover if any sentences don’t work once said out loud. Make a note, and revise them.
Once you’re happy with your vows, practice, practice, practice! Rehearsing out loud a few days before the big day can help you get used to speaking in front of a crowd without feeling too nervous.
→ Pro Tip: Be sure to check out our Wedding Vow Speech Coaching Tips for more on this topic!
Bonus Step: Ask for feedback!
Ask a trusted friend or family member to listen to your vows (one of our clients even read them to his hairdresser!) and give you feedback. See if they have any qualms, advice, or just lots of high-fives/tears, and incorporate any compelling thoughts they share.
→ Pro Help: If you’d like a little professional help after going through this process, we’ve got you covered with our Review by an Expert service.
One final note: Sync up with your partner.
At some point during this process, check in with your finance regarding the logistics of your vows, including tone and length. This way on the big day you’ll be in sync and won’t end up with one partner having a humorous 7-minute long passage and the other partner with tear-jerking 2-minute long vows. On that note, we recommend sticking in the 1-3 minute range for vows. Have more to say? Consider putting it in a letter for your sweetie to read on the morning of your wedding.
Also decide if you want to keep your vows a secret from each other or if you want to share them before the big day. Regardless of what you two decide, getting on the same page early on will make the whole process go smoother.
Looking for a little more help?
Vow Muse can help with all the wedding words!
Our wedding vow toolkit includes everything you need to write the perfect words for the big day. With our detailed step-by-step process and two template wedding vows for you to customize plus examples wedding vows to inspire you’ll be confidently singing your partner’s praises on your special day!
Or if you’ve already written something and need a professional to review and edit it, we can help with that too.
